Privacy policy

Oh my goodness, are you actually about to read our Privacy Policy? This is AMAZING news. We spent hours writing this thing! We didn’t want to use one of those templates that we see on other websites that manage to use so many words to say so very little, none of which makes any sort of sense and all of which sound like they’re definitely selling details of your every move to the highest bidder.

I know that they were trying to protect us but GDPR really has ruined the internet. Want to find out how long it takes to boil an egg? First you’ll have to toggle 639 switches to let us know how much of your soul you’re willing to exchange for this information. If you succeed in completing this challenge, you’ll find the information three fifths of the way down this verrrrry long page, right after the 13th advert for air fryers. Not gonna lie though, our air fryer has been a bit of a game changer (#notanad).

No, stop. We implied that this wasn’t going to be a long-winded, wordy, verbose, rambling, waffly policy using unnecessary words where much simpler ones would’ve sufficed. Let’s get on with it.

WHO ARE WE?

The first thing you need to know is that we are Sums of Anarchy. If you were looking for Someone on a Quay (a very popular website featuring photographs of unnamed individuals stood near boats) or Sam and Anna’s Quiche (the most sought after pastries in Pickering), then I’m afraid you’ve taken a wrong turn. We make things that make maths fun. If you ever need to get in touch with us you can do so by any of these means:

Registered Address: Sums of Anarchy Maths Ltd, 3 Geary Drive, Brentwood, Essex, CM14 4UH

Email Address: sumsofanarchymaths@gmail.com

Company Reg Number: 14776903 registered in England and Wales

Carrier Pigeon: Henry

WHY DO WE NEED YOUR DATA?

Now, if it were down to us, we wouldn’t collect your personal data at all. Unless you placed an order, in which case we’d probably need your name and address so that we could send it to you. And maybe your email address so that we could let you know that we’ve sent it to you. This sort of data allows us to complete our contract with you. It is stored securely on the servers of ‘Shopify’, they’re the folks who host our website, but if you ever want it removed all you have to do is say the word and we won’t rest until we’re sure that every last trace of it is gone.

If you pay for something on our site, firstly thank you so much, we really appreciate it! But also, we won’t be storing your payment details. Honestly, we have enough trouble remembering our own details let alone worrying about yours. We’ve enlisted some very efficient payment providers to handle all of that for us, so whether you choose Apple Pay, Google Pay, Shop Pay or any other ‘Pay’ that you like the look of at checkout, they will be securely processing your payment information and completing your transaction.

COOKIES ETC.

So that’s the ‘contract’ bit, now we come to the ‘other’ sort of data. The Cookies, Consent and Legitimate Interest. What does it all mean?

Well, there are some things that help our website to function more efficiently and provide you with a better user experience. Cookies, for example, are like little memos sent to your browser that help us to remember information you provide to us as you surf our site. It’s a bit like your local restaurant saying, “Ahh yeah, Dave likes ketchup on his chips!” and making a note of this so that next time you visit, your chips are pre-ketchupped. I know your name’s probably not Dave but it just goes to show how little interest we have in collecting your data that we don’t even know your name. If your name is Dave, please don’t freak out, it was a total coincidence. We’re not watching you Dave. From Birmingham. Who really likes ketchup… OMG relax, we’re kidding.

Anyway, we’ve placed a Cookie Policy on the homepage. If you press ‘continue’, we’ll assume we have your consent and you’re happy with the memos but if you’re not happy with them, please stop using our site. We don’t mean that to be as passive aggressive as it sounds but the best way for you to not hand over any of your personal information is to not use our site at all, and probably any other site on the internet. Maybe there is a way to build a website without Cookies. Maybe there is a world where every page isn’t plagued by a pop-up. But we know not of this world for we are but simple people who have used an e-commerce platform to help us build a website and they say it comes with Cookies so Cookies there shall be.

We’ve also used some third-party apps to make our website snazzier or to help us send out emails without having to type out every address individually. These third-parties may require some of your information but don’t worry, we’ve warned them to be careful with it and not to sell it to any of those annoying tele-marketing agencies. Like, what is it, 1994? Why are you still calling us? At least be modern and send a text. But again, if you have any concerns or if you want us to forget all about you so that you can sail off into the night like a mysterious voyager, just say so. We know where they live. Bon voyage.

Okay, we’re getting to the part where we’re starting to regret not having used one of those templates. Have we covered everything? Is the ICO going to come and shut us down because we forgot Clause 19.6, Paragraph 8 which tells you what we’ll do in the event of an invasion by an enemy force who are weirdly interested in what order you pressed the buttons on our homepage? We hope not. The long and short of it is, we will need some of your personal data, we will only collect it where we have a lawful basis to do so, we will protect it like it was a small and helpless kitten, we will only share it when absolutely necessary or if the police make us, and we will get rid of it if you ask us.